Mixed Race Studies

College Essay Part II, Unabridged: The Undergraduate Years

Amherst College
The Amherst Story Project
Fall 2008

Brunnell Velázquez ’11

I enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. Lately, I find that the bathroom mirrors in Morrow dormitory give off the clearest reflections of my gorgeous, most handsome features. Since it is not in my nature to carry a portable mirror, I set a picture of myself as the wallpaper for my computer and my cellular phone. I developed a tradition of attaching photos of myself to thank you notes. All of my friends cannot help but notice my vanity. But I kept telling them that not enough people tell me how beautiful I am! No really!

What they don’t know, however, is that I use the mirror as a means for assurance—to remind myself that I do not look like how people usually perceive me.

I tell my reflection, I don’t get it, Brunnell. You don’t look Black. You’re Latino…

…The worst part is that people just assume that I am African-American. I get so offended; it’s like me being Korean and everyone thinks that I am Chinese. Upon meeting people, I have been asked about relations between the Black and African-American communities. I have been told, “Like wow, you’re, like, the first black guy I’ve met who’s not from Africa.” I have received caustic remarks for not being involved in the Black Student Union. A Jewish peer commented to a white friend of mine that I would get offended if she called me nigger. And he had the audacity to say it in front of me and he knew I was Latino. I apologize if the mentioning of this word offends anyone; just understand that to me it carries no emotional and historical weight…

… It is very hard for me to believe that I am Black because I grew up with a mixed-race family. I have family members (either by blood or marriage) who represent the whole white-black spectrum. Yet, there is the word Dominican that ties us together. I have never noted racism between the lighter ones and the darker ones. I never felt ugly because of my physical features.

Dominicans mix a lot; many cannot be easily categorized by a certain race. For example, my pastor has strong European features but has a kinky hair. A girl in my church is darker than me but has finer features and very fine hair. She looks Indian. Therefore, we transcend race and this is something I value as a Latino. Racially, we belong on the borderline between black and white.

The idea that we, Latinos, could be further categorized is absurd to me. What are White Hispanic and Black Hispanic? A “white” Dominican is never white in the U.S. because his culture and his identification with darker Dominicans “colors” him. A darker Dominican is never Black because he identifies with lighter skin people and because he is usually mixed. Black people seem to have the most problems with me not calling myself Black. Some of them claim I am product of racism. But really I must ask them, who told them that they were Black? I know that many African-Americans come in many skin tones. I look more Black than some of my African-American peers, but I see them as mixed race people. I will not tell them that in their face, but they cannot convince me otherwise. Now, if I were Black, then I would be denying my European roots. Part of being Latino is embracing our racial roots and our mixture because it is reflected in our physical features and our culture. I am now discovering that Black isn’t really a racial identity, but a categorization that people put on to mean “not-white.” Any mark of color means you are Black, which the definition is in of itself racist. So how am I a product of racism? Identifying myself Black for me is an act of defeat to racism. I should not let racists call me something that was never part of my identity…

Read the entire essay here.